Unfortunately the word “great” has become so trivialized from careless overuse that it’s lost all its energy. However, to me it still means splendid, awe-inspiring, and beyond talent and into genius. Therefore moving into “great acting” is the equivalent of climbing Everest–difficult, but it can be done.
While clearing out paleolithic e-mail I unearthed this note. Six years later, the content is still intriguing, an attempt to define something we may only sense:
“Something wonderful happened in my audition. Remember you said you felt I was holding myself back? Something snapped and I couldn’t stuff myself back in the box if I wanted to. It feels great.”
Fast forward six years to this month. “Bob,” an adult newcomer to acting, is reviewing his monologue with me. “I know I can do better. I just can’t seem to let go,” he says.
Bob’s “letting go” equals the 1999 e-mail reference to “holding back.” When asked what he would do differently if he “let go,” Bob’s answer showed profound self-awareness: “I’d quit thinking about myself. In the middle of my monologue I started thinking, ‘What I am doing here? Do I really think I can be an actor? Am I crazy?’”
What is “Holding Back”? Or its opposite “Letting Go”?
How many times have we said, “That didn’t feel quite right”? Perhaps “not quite right” was the result of holding back.
It’s difficult to describe what holding back feels like–maybe like a cocoon separating you the actor from total you the actor. Or perhaps it feels like a self-imposed barrier separating adequate, OK, competent from mesmerizing, volcanic, meteoric. In simple terms, perhaps it is an awareness that you can give more in a line or even in the entire role.
How do you know if you have more to give? The inner being, the performing self knows. If you ask yourself the question, “Am I holding back,” the answer will most likely be “Yes, indeed.” The question is the answer!
If you say, “I know I can do better,” you are right. The actor himself recognizes his own holding back. Trust your intuition. In this area do not rely on friends’ and family’s ego stroking. Rely on the still voice of your internal talent, which is demanding to be loosened from your self-imposed limitations.
Why Do We Hold Back?
There are numerous reasons why we do not let go, why we are stuck in good and cannot move into great.
One of the main causes is precisely what Bob described. We lack focus. We allow the mind to doubt, question, and wander while in the middle of saying a line. Acting requires focus and focus requires discipline and discipline, ironically, is the beginning of letting go.
Holding back has many other causes: fear, lack of imagination, lack of respect for acting as an art, laziness, cowardice, not knowing that there is such a thing as “letting go,” willingness to “settle” for good or mediocre or competent or embarrassing rather than demand the totality of your talent. Lack of pride. Willing to be so-so rather than the best. Dilettantism.
Examples of Those Who Never Held Back
In order to let go, you have to know that letting go exists. Perhaps you need to see someone who did not hold back. I was lucky to have seen the greatest example at age 17.
Maria Callas, a controversial opera singer, was once the most famous singer in the world, scorned or adored, but never ignored! Her daring theatrics while singing sent shivers up your spine. She performed way out there at the edge. She dared and occasionally fell on her face.
As a voice student I heard her in Lucia di Lammermoor. Lucia (Callas) descends the wide curving staircase in her blood-splattered white gown, clutching the knife she used to kill her bridegroom. Callas gets to the final high E flat of Lucia’s famous “Mad Scene,” the one note the audience has waited for the entire evening. The cadenza ends. The E flat looms. Callas goes for it.
Her voice cracks.
Some of the audience boos. La Diva Callas steps to the edge of the stage, flays the audience with a look of utter scorn, repeats Lucia’s final cadenza and blasts out an E Flat that toppled buildings in Nevada. That was my introduction to the alpha and omega of not holding back. What was behind that rescued E Flat? PRIDE. COURAGE.
Remember the hypnotism of those old-time traveling preachers who could turn sensible people into hollering praise-the-Lord converts? Those preachers–charlatans or angels–did not hold back. Neither did Louis Armstrong going for that top note, Van Gogh swirling in a madness of color, Tina Turner strutting energy, Janis Joplin’s ironic gutsy raspy self. Letting go is controlled uncontrol. These are masters.
Steps in Letting Go
First comes courageous self-examination of your potential. A director may order louder, faster. But loud/soft-fast/slow relate to variety, not to letting go.
Variety, in all its variations, is a technique. Letting go is an attitude.
Next comes the courage to want to give more. We must dare to go from OK to better and then after better must come the courage to make the Grand Canyon leap into “best.” Having embraced the need to let go, next comes a grocery list of basics:
(1) have a polished technique,
(2) intelligently and imaginatively explore the script, remembering the powerful word “variety”
(3) diligently over-memorize the lines,
(4) discover a “competent” (believable) delivery that does not sound actory.
(5) search for every possible line reading and opt for the most interesting delivery, given the context of the scene.
(6) over-prepare and tune yourself up into a bundle of energy.
(7) insist that you have the right to be great but that right is not given–it is earned.
A major step in letting go involves Bob’s need to “focus.” He logically asked, “So what do I focus on, myself? The character?” No, no and another no. Focus on the words. If you focus solely on the words you are speaking and the pictures they create then it is impossible to start questioning your ability!
In other articles we have written about not focusing on character or on your own feelings. That focus perpetuates the self-doubts. Focus on the words. The words do the emotional work for you. They bring up remembered pictures and pictures bring up the emotions, leaving you focused not on you but on the words and pictures. My sports fan husband says it is called “in the zone.”
The final step in letting go requires common sense. Just go for broke. What is there to lose? If you are over the top, your coach or your director will pull you back. “Go for it” creates another way to break out of the self-created cocoon.
Before you perform or audition, picture something full of energy and light. My own favorite is the brightest star in the heavens: Sirius. Some actors envision a comet or meteor, some a sun spot, some the July 4th fireworks–whatever says “energy” to you.
A HUGE CAVEAT:
Letting go does not mean self-indulgent, uncontrolled, chaotic solipsism. In time, your intuition (or your director) will find a balance between giving all and going nuts.
The Reason to Let Go
Letting go is what performing is about. Being a “great actor” is not merely the thrill of being in the spotlight or on camera or the applause or the recognition or even the money. It is about the joy of being totally alive during performance.
There are two lines from a Yeats’ poem that come closest to describing-if not defining-my point:
O body swayed to music, O brightening glance,
How can we know the dancer from the dance?
The dancer and the dance, the actor and the role. Try it. But only after all the preparation, the analysis, the studying, the experimentation, the control, the technique–all of these things, plus the still silent center — these are part of you as an actor. They are all necessary in order to let go and be a great actor. Not good. Great.
